now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
