So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
