Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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