see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
