the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
