She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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