i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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