My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
