i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize