Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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