the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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