It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
