I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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