It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
