I'm going to jail i love you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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