Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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