New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
