You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
