I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I forget how to act sober
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