I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
