Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
