I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
