nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
