It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
