Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The best revenge is premature balding
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
