when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize