he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
