who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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