Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
