saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
