you guys were way drunker than both of me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
