They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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