On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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