we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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