Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
