Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
