I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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