is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
