my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
