if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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