All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
