why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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