I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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