i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
