i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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