I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize