I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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