We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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