I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
