she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
