It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Randomize
