Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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