It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
