please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We left an ass print on the piano.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
