woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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