Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
