You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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