I want to have your abortion
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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