a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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