He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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