Cold hands, warm shart.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
