Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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