I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
