all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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