We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
