a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
