so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
