I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...