piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.