he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.