So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo