it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!