take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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