farters have to be the big spoon...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
