I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑