bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...