Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
