dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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