Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
