if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to cum in my sink.
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