I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Be still, my beating vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
