I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
