So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
